Dear diary,
12-18-xx
Am i the luckiest girl alive? Yes. I have all I wanted. I have everything. You say my life is perfect? Yes. I have both my parents, a boyfie, friends, fame, wealth, all you ask for I have it. But despite of all the things I have 'I FEEL EMPTY' Mao ba ni inyong giingon nga perfect life? If mao man gali ni, i don't want a life like this.
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I may have both my parents pero wala silay time para sa akoa. I end up eating all alone every dinner kay wala sila pirme. Boyfie? Babaero boyfie nga ako ray sigeg hold on sa amoa relationship to keep on going. He might be cute, smart, cool and famous but he's a total jerk. Friends? Yes i have plenty pero manglutaw sila kung magbaha. They only want me because of what I have not because they truly cared.
My life is in misery. I tried to hide it pero my heart can't cointain the toxic. 3rd year, this year lang wala nko kaagwanta gyud. You know whats the best part? My mom and dad just got separated weeks ago. Affected ngyod ko. Affected na akoang studies, my duty, tanan affected na. You may see me in school as the SMILE ALL DAY GIRL but behind those smiles are a broken heart and a broken soul.
But things went good when I met this cool guy. She had me in my best when we're together. Pero murag wala rman gihapon siyay care nako just like others. Josh iya name. Joshua Aguilar, 3rd year stud. Naglaag mi ato last time and I think that was the happiest day of my life. Wala ko nakafeel ug pressure, mura kog walay problema. Just me and him. Happy.
I wrote him a letter ug akoa gibutang sa iyang book. Abi nakog ma-meet nako siya that day but sadly wala. Naghulat ko diadto for 3 hours pero walay josh naabot until ni-ulan nlang. I was forced to go home by the rain. The sky felt for my pain, kay nihilak sab siya just like my eyes. Josh disappointed me.
Yesterday I gave Manong Jules my speaker. He was that streetfood vendor sa town plaza. Every christmas I have this little present sa iyaha kay lage naluoy ko sa iya kahimtang. Akoang mga old clothes nga not so old kay once or never nasuot, akoa ipanghatag sa iya mga anak. I feel happy when someone happy, samot na ug ikaw ang reason why they are happy. Akoa siya giingnan nga patukaran jud tog 'Duyog' every hapon 4pm. Daghan man gud kog maremember sa song and I want everyone who listens to it, feel the same way as I am. I gave him my present earlier than Christmas day kay basig di nako kaabot anang mga adlawa.
I think I will miss this life. For some sort of reasons it still has good memories but now I want to end this pain. Dili nako ganahan maka experience pa kay napuno na gyod ko. Wala nay laing kabutangan sa tanang kasakit. No one cares, no one understands, wala. Wala jud maski usa.
Murag nabasa na gyod ni akong diary tungod sa luha. I'll end this day with a note saying "See you when I see you, goodbye"
Love,
Beatrice 💓
Giinom nako ang moth balls just like a typical med. It was quick. Nagsugod nag kangit-ngit ang palibot. "Thank you and goodbye" those are my last words.
